Question:
Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Ikue Takahashi
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 25, 2003, 11:04:34 PM EST
Score: 5
Essay:
Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources. In these days, we cannot see clean river or sea in the town. In my opinion, it is important for us to keep water clean. Why is it important?
At first, there are not many fish in the dirty river. In dirty water fish cannot live comfortably. Today, fish are not seen in the river compared with the past. My town where I live now has a big river. I lived in other town when I was a child. Therefore I do not know how clean the river was in the old days. One day I talked with my friend who likes fishing very much. He often goes there to fish. He told me that the river was so pure when he was a child and there were much fish than today. Add to this, he said that fish was enough clean to eat. Nowadays, if he can catch fishes, he does not bring them home. For fish that are caught in the river cannot be eaten now. I think that it is very sad. If the river becomes clean again, more fish is sure to come back there, and fishing becomes more interesting for us.
Second, infected
water is bad for our health. When my family lived in Nagoya and Sapporo, we
would often drink running [tap] water. However,
it was not that the water was delicious. Sometimes when we traveled to the
country, water of there tasted very nice for me. Now in Chiba we can never drink it as it is. I was
surprised when I drank a sip of water here for
the first time. It tasted something [somewhat?]
strange. When we use running water, for example,
in cooking or making tea, it must be heated up once. So, as for water to drink we have to buy many bottles of
water every week. I would like to drink clean running
water someday. I hope that much water in
Japan becomes pure enough to drink more and more.
Finally, what can I do to keep water clean?
I think that factories should not pour toxic chemicals into the river or sea. I have ever seen rivers in the manufacturing quarter that are
polluted. And we should not use detrimental synthetic detergent in at home.
In conclusion, environmental pollution is a very serious problem for all of us. It is necessary to make water more clean [cleaner]. To get back clean water [In order to bring back cleaner water] and not to dirty water [not to make water dirtier] than now, now is the time to take action.
Instructor notes:
「きれいな水を維持する（本当はとりもどす？）ことが重要である」は、どのような目的（理由）のために重要なのかが示されていないとあまり良いthesisとは言えません。Discussionを読むと、まるで近くの川で釣りを楽しめるようにするのが一番の目的のように読めてしまいます（一番重要なものを最初に言うのが英語流）。この問題をもう少し分析してから構成を考えましょう。
英語の初歩的なミスはほとんどなく、表現を工夫すれば６が可能なはず。
Hazuki Nagaosa
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:30:10 AM EST
Score: 4
Essay:
. Have you ever heard of a creature named a "king crab"?
There are much [Today we have many] animals and plants on the verge of extinction all over the world, although this king crab has the very highest danger of extinction also in it, it is contained in one.[??]
We need to protect a king crabs.
One of the reasons, king crabs should be protected is
because they are the animals that has [have] been without changing hardly a figure from before, [that
have hardly changed their figures for a very long time] and is [are] called "living fossils" as long as [that
date back] 200 million years. They inhabit a place where
there is soft mud in a bottom and beautiful sands are located in ashore in the
small bay distant from the open sea. Only the east side of the Asian
Continent and East Coast of a [the] U.S. [North Amerian] continent are inhabited now [They inhabit a small bay with soft mud at
the bottom and beautiful sand beach ashore, isolated from the open sea. They live only in the east side of the
Asian Continent and on the east coast of the U.S.]
Did you know that the king crabs also inhabited Japan? They inhabit the
Setonaikai coast and the northern Kyushu coast.
Another reason, the blood of the live king crab is medically very useful. Inspection of colon bacillus or salmonella had taken considerable time before. However, if very small quantity king crab blood used, results can be achieved in a short time. The control action to an AIDS virus is also confirmation. It is used when measuring food health and environmental degree of contamination.
Protecting a king crabs is [means]
protecting the nature. The precious living
thing that has been farther useful for a long time is on the verge of
extinction with man [because of human]. I think
that stopping it has only efforts [they can be saved only
by our efforts?].
It is surprised [I was surprised / It is surprising] that a country in Asia where eats this king crab as food [that people in Asian countries eat king crabs as food]. [無関係な事項？]
Instructor notes:
うーん、やはり難しいテーマですね。「king crabを救うことが必要」というだけのthesisではなく、discussionで述べることの頭出しを含んだthesisにする必要があると思います。Discussionの二つの理由ももう少し発展させ説得力を持たせること、それとconclusionが一致する必要があります。
Kana Yamada
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:35:29 AM EST
Score: 6
Essay:
When I visit
the place where I lived before, I was really
disappointed. There are good old views for me.
But, the park where I played well [often] had
disappeared. That park had a lot of flowers, trees, birds, grasses and so on. I could
relax in the park over breathing the
fresh air. I remember that I read books, played with my friends, drew pictures
of flowers there. I have good memories to [of] the park. However, I
am watching [what I see is / saw was] a parking area
[lot] instead of the park. There is so silence
and cold. I cannot hear creatures' voice. [時制の統一、過去+過去完了or 現在+過去]
Recently, we destroy many forests in order to get [for] the gratification of our desires. We try to build high buildings, make parking areas, factories and so on. Many deserts appear in other countries instead of nature. We tend to forget the existence of nature is related with our environment deeply. I would like to assert the importance of nature for us and make you reconsider it.
First of all, I would like to introduce the function of plant. It can always reduce CO2, which is made by us, and make fresh air. It can remove our stress and make us relax. If we walk in a forest, you can feel good, can’t you? We can also enjoy our life when we look at plant. Moreover it can stock water well. Plants suck moisture in through their roots. Because of this system, it controls the amount of moisture in forests and supplies moisture to us. It is very important for us to keep nature.
Next, let’s imagine if all natures will disappear. We will get a lot of CO2 instead of fresh air. CO2 will destroy the ozone hole. Then, owing to that, global warming will happen. After that, what will happen for us? A lot of icebergs in the world will dissolve and this situation will make some islands extinguish. We will lose our islands. In addition to that, if we cannot breathe fresh air, a lot of people will get illness. How terrible these situations are [will be]!! Can you live in like [such an] environment? We are under the necessity of keeping nature. The terrible world is coming soon.
In conclusion, we must really keep [preserve / protect] nature for ourselves. We couldn’t find that to sacrifice natures cannot make benefits for us. [意味不明] Now we must reconsider what are the real benefits for our life. Let’s think about how to help the life of nature!
Instructor notes:
スコア６、おめでとうございます。せっかく無くなってしまった公園のintroductionで始まったので、conclusionでもそれに触れると、統一感がより増すと思います。
Mika Manabe
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 27, 2003, 11:48:35 PM EST
Score: 5
Essay:
Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. If there is not one of them…what do you do? Maybe if there is not one of them, we are not live. I think it is important for us to save all resources but forests are the best [most] important resources, I think.
Why do we save it [forests]? There are a lot of reasons for this.
First, forests photosynthesize themselves. Photosynthesize [動詞です] plays a very important role in regulating oxygen emission and carbon dioxide (CO2) absorption. Carbon dioxide is a green house gas. It will cause global warming. But rain forest absorbs CO2. Anyway, We need oxygen everyday. So we can get it from forests.
Second, we need food every day. Then, where do the foods come from? What do we eat everyday? It is vegetable, meat, sweets something like that. But think about it. Almost all food comes from forests doesn’t it? [原始人？] Animals live in forests and we kill them then we get our game. So, if there are not the forests, we could not gain the foods and we would die. [ちょっと強引すぎる論理展開と思いませんか？]
Third, we put on clothes every day. Such conduct is quite usual with our daily lives. Where does it come from? It comes from animals doesn’t it? We often hear “wool”,” cashmere”, “Angola”. Do you know what it is? It is animal’s hair [fur]. Our clothes made of it. Our clothes made by shearing wool from sheep, rabbit, goat or pulling a bird. [動詞のない文章が２つ続いていることになってしまいます。受身にする？やはりちょっと強引すぎませんか？]
Nowadays, deforestation is increasing every year; because of forest fires, lumber [動詞です] a forest.
If there are not forests, it’s have grave consequences. First, it will cause environmental deterioration, then our living standard-become worse. It is increasing more carbon dioxide; it will lead to the ozone depletion. The ozone layer prevents very harmful ultraviolet rays from penetrating the atmosphere. As you know, ultraviolet rays can cause skin cancer.
In my opinion, it is important for us to conserve forests. We must not lumber forests. If there is not the forests…think about again!! As I said a little while ago, deforestation will cause acid rain, global warming, the green house effect and the critical condition of the ozone layer. [acid rainなどには触れていない] What I want to say is that we should know about importance of rainforests and we must conserve forests.
Instructor notes:
thesis, main ideas, supporting ideasをもう一度確認して再構成すれば、強引な論理展開を避けられるはずです。英語自体は決して悪くないのですが、英文がちゃんと主語・動詞・（目的語など）を含む文章になっているかも確認しましょう。
Nozomi Katori
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:22:47 AM EST
Score: 5
Essay:
How many kinds of animals do you think that are wiped off the face of the earth? The number of the classes is very huge. Even now , the number is not grasped particularly by some specialists. But I want many living animals to vanish any more. What do you think that we need to save life of existing animal?
We human beings surely influence these extinction animals. It cannot be denied that fact. That is deforestation, air pollution, and water pollution. As our living standard become better, former beautiful nature is destroyed rapidly. People have been forwarding to land development. And many forest lands have been damaged by them. For example, Amazon forest is well-known recently. It has been deforested widely. For that reason many kind of animals, bird and plants in the forest died or were turned into other places. First of all we should know the fact.
Why do people have to deforest a lot of timber? They have been planning land development in their place. They hope that their town becomes more developmental, more progressive and more comfortable. They always think that make their own town be a metropolis. So many creatures have fallen victim to their business scheme. From now onward we should reconsider the matter more seriously. And we must project some countermeasure not to make these living creatures extinct. We must preserve every life on the earth.
In conclusion, I think that it is important for human beings to develop their residence area. But it is the most important for us to preserve creature life and coexist with them on the earth. However it is very difficult problem. We may confront this difficult problem but we should do that for peaceful coexistence.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Shunichi Kamaya
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 27, 2003, 11:57:16 PM EST
Score: 5
Essay:
What do you think your mobile phone is made from? You know, it was made from petroleum. It is getting cold day by day, so I think you will use a fan heater and we need much amount of oil. What’s more, PET bottles are made from oil. Today, there are a lot of oil products and they are necessary for our life. Of course oil in not artificial material but natural resources, and it is not limitless. In fact, oil is touching bottom. Used heavily, it is in danger of extinction. Petroleum is the most important and valuable material.
I considered if petroleum were ran out what things would happen. First, we can’t use cars so we have to go to school on foot or by bicycle. All of the people will be confused. In Sunday, you can’t go for a drive, and go shopping by car. Of course there are no goods in shop because merchandise may not be carried by truck. I guess that you know how people who were in Edo period lived a life. You can ascend to their life. I believe I can’t tolerate it. But I think it is good for health and environment.
Almost all of the petroleum is taken from Middle Eastern area. Lots of wars are broken out in this religion. If some missile hit an oil company, plenty of oil is spilled and burn up and a loud explosion will be happened. If that happened, more and more petroleum would vanish. Perhaps Middle Eastern people will stop exporting to Japan!
Above all, most of the needed and must be saved resources are petroleum. It is connected with our life closely. Oil will be certainly run out of in the near future. We have to rapidly develop other material taking the place of oil.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Aki Kotani
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 27, 2003, 11:53:14 PM EST
Score: 6
Essay:
Now we use many natural resources in many ways. But resource of the earth is gradually disappointing because we waste at random. For example, tree. Recently tree is disappointing suddenly.
Tree is used well by building house and making furniture etc.. Now Tree is the necessity of our life. When we build house need many trees. So we cut down trees. Everyday tree is cut down. But it cost many times to grow big tree. If we have the indiscretion to cut down, tree is disappointing more and more and completely disappeared. We will be puzzled for tree.
Then, What is happened to us if tree is disappointing? First, as I mentioned above, we can’t build wooden house and make every wooden products. If wooden product is disappeared, we live inconvenience.
Second, if tree on the street, school, and park is disappeared, we fell solitary. Tree makes us mend our heart and enjoy seasons. For example, OHANAMI, red leaves etc. are customary events for Japanese. And finally, this is the most important thing, we breathe in oxygen and out carbon dioxide. Tree breathes carbon dioxide that we breathe out in reverse. Therefore if tree is disappointing, amount of carbon dioxide is increaseing. We can’t breathe fresh air. Furthermore, because of carbon dioxide the ozone layer is destroyed. If the ozone layer is destroyed, we bathe ultraviolet rays directly. Also it causes global warming, too. Actually the temperature of the earth is rising. This is very dangerous and big problem is concerned with human survival if damage is increasing beyond present situation. We never cause these problems.
In my conclusion, we must not waste tree. Of course, we must not waste not only tree but also other resources. We need to use these resources, but it is sure that these resources are disappointing. So we need to think that resources are very valuable. And the most important thing that we must do is protecting resources.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Kyoko Kawajiri
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:05:15 AM EST
Score: 4
Essay:
I'm aiming at that the destruction of ozone layer. Do you know how much ozone hole serious problem? This problem is seriousness especially in Australia. Australia is just under the ozone hole. So people in Australia have a lot of problem as skin cancer and so on. Do you know why is ozone hole formed by?
Why is ozone layer destroying little by little? This is because of our life. You know one substance is Freon. Freon is contained in many things in our life. For example, that’s in personal computer. It has a little bit Freon. I found about that in web site. I surprised about that. It is our immediate needs in present society. I didn't know that personal computer has Freon. In addition, refrigerator also has Freon. The cooler in refrigerator has it. I'm surprised also about that. But I think there are more another products containing Freon in our life. That makes us freeze!! By ozone hole, there are a lot of ultraviolet and by bathing it, we suffer from some illness like skin cancer.
In practice, when I went to Australia, I felt strong ultraviolet and I thought that I couldn’t stay any more with out sun block and care for skin. I thought this is serous problem in Australia. But I didn't feel that people in Australia has a problem about that. Most of them don't have sun block and don't have provision for ultraviolet. Only we are tourists sensitive about strong ultraviolet. Is it OK? We have to care by ourselves from strong ultraviolet especially in Australia. It’s formidable that there is ozone hole on the face of earth.
Anyway, this problem is seriousness than you think. We should worry about this problem. Besides I hope that every product in our life will not be including Freon in near future to not increase ozone hole any more. We should protect our planet one by one.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Yuko Komiya
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:07:01 AM EST
Score: 5
Essay:
Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Above all, I think that forests are important for our life. So, I want to think about importance of forests and how can we save them.
Why forests are important for our life? First, forests are producing oxygen. If it were not for oxygen, we couldn’t breathe and live. They are and bathed sunshine and breath carbon dioxide, and then, they emit oxygen. It is called photosynthesize. Many other plants also photosynthesize, but forests occupy a lot of part, so they play important roles. Second, forests also protect our life. When it rained heavily, forests save the water at their roots. Then, spread to basement gently. So, it prevents us from flood. If there are no forests, a lot of water comes down as it is, and city becomes flood. Third, forests are hangout of many animals. So, forests are necessary for animals too.
Then, we have to protect forests for ourselves. So, what can we do to preserve them? Are there any solutions for that? Yes, there are, I think. First, forest’s woods are used for making paper, and Japan imports too many woods from country, which have many forests. We use paper to mach in office and school, for example when we copy or fax. We have to use paper more carefully. Second, we need to recycle paper and other product that made of woods. So, we don’t have to cut trees vainly.
In conclusion, forests are important and necessary for our life. So we have to protect them.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Mizuho Fukuchi
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 21, 2003, 12:35:23 AM EST
Score: 2
Essay:
In many parts of the world, important natural resources are losing. We make a living, depending on many natural resources, such as forests and clean water. Also, we have been driving to exterminate some species, such as animals and plants. It happens, because of our excessive fishing and hunting, pollution and a change of the environment, and so on. People who live on the earth need to corporate to save important natural resources.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Satori Masuda
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:39:52 AM EST
Score: 5
Essay:
Now many natural resources are disappearing such as forests, clear air, pure water and so on. A nature is essential for everyone. Everyone means not only human being but also other animals and plants. Everything on the earth is in nature’s debt. We cannot live without nature. I think that we must save these things. Now I would like to talk about forest especially in the natural resources.
The first reason why forest should be saved is a bad influence for other environmental problems. Long time ago, there are many forests all over the world. Then, a lot of animals and plants lived there. People had a highly regard for forests. In Japan, people thought that forest is sacred and live together. But as time goes on, they hacked their way though the forest. It is no doubt that our lives have developed and become convenient. As a result, however, forest which produce clear air and pure water has disappeared. I think that forest is the source of nature. If forests disappear completely, there are no oxygen and no water. Forests have brought us various favors. But we just made it dirty. I think we should save forests. It is also for the sake of us.
The other reason is animals. These days we hear news that some wild animals make an attack on men. I think one of the reasons of these incidents is decreasing forests. Wild animals have no place to live. We took their place to live by force. Besides, forests gave them a lot of foods. But now there are few foods in the forests. So they come to the city and look for the foods.
Above all, the forest should be saved. We have to think about all environment s again. I think we should live together with nature.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Miyuki Abe
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:54:05 AM EST
Score: 5
Essay:
Why are forests important nature resources? It is because forests are origins of many things like oxygen, water, and so on. So we have to save forests for our lives.
Forests consist of a great deal of trees. What can trees do for our nature? Trees can make oxygen through the process of photosynthesis. Oxygen is one of the most necessary things for almost all creatures on the earth. We cannot live without it. And trees can also make foods like fruits. Fruits include many important ingredients that we need. Trees and other plants that can make oxygen through that process are very important.
We kill forests for our own society or industry. It is not but thing for our life. We can live more comfortably or conveniently with non-nature things. However, in view of long-term span it is same thing to suicide. It is because forests can play many parts: to make oxygen, to save cities by typhoon or other disaster, to accumulate much water. Moreover, forests are the house of many creatures like human or animals. If we do not have our home, could we survive? Do we have a right of depriving the other’s house for our own benefits? Is it right thing? Of course it is not. Then, why do we cut many forests? As I say, we cannot live without forests but we cut them, why?
There are many reasons that I can guess. But I would like to say one example. There are many people who think, “It is necessary to cut some forests for our lives. If there were no forests, we can transfer more quickly or can go another city without any difficulties.” or some thing like that. I think it is true. In fact, there are some places that faced these problems especially in developing countries. Differ from developed countries; they might not know how important forests are and its importance. Or they have already known these things but they force to cut forests for their lives like earn the money to live because they are poorer than other country. It is really sad thing. They have to cut forests to survive.
Above all, forests are really important thing for us. The earth has lifetime like us, so killing many forests is same thing to hurt the earth. Then the earth’s lifetime will be shorter and shorter. That is, human beings and any other creature’s lifetime will be shorter as the earth. Forest can make or play important parts on the earth like I said before, so we have to save it and make them stronger than now because forests are origin of almost all creatures.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Rena Kamata
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:26:57 AM EST
Score: 5
Essay:
Today, some people like us have enjoyed our rich life. However, probably, there are almost no those who care about the rich nature on the earth, for example, a forest, being lost. I believe that we human beings have to save the forest that is disappearing. Or, we will be in pain because of it. Some reasons support my idea.
The first reason that human beings have to save it is getting clean air. A forest absorbs carbon dioxide and makes oxygen. If forests decrease in number, the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will increase. That is, air is polluted. The polluted air has serious influence on us. For example, we may become sick by that. Therefore, we have to protect clear air. For that purpose, human beings have to protect the forest that makes air.
Secondly, if forests decrease in number, the environment where we are living will change a lot. The forest is called natural dam. It is because these selves can save up water. The reduction in a forest means that water cannot be collected. It causes a flood and inflicts serious damage on us. A flood destroys the place in which we live and does damage also to the crops of a field. These damages will surely decrease, if human beings stop deforestation.
As a conclusion, we have to stop immediately the deforestation performed now. It is because we ourselves will be in pain by destroying a forest for these reasons. If you want to coexist with a forest, we the human beings will have to put up with a rich life that we are spending now. I think that cooperation of each man leads to protecting a forest.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Ei Suzuki
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 21, 2003, 12:36:22 AM EST
Score: 2
Essay:
Today, there are all sorts of animals in this world. They have each ancestor, which means a link of life. Animals exiting in the world now play a precious role in the sense of preserving the link. So there are no species that is not important. But, to the contrary, the present ecosystem consists of evolution and extinction of animals. Taking it into consideration, there may be nothing for disappearing, as it is a dispensation of nature. However, it is unpardonable that animals are driven to disappearing by people. In this place, I would like to give some example of animals, which are in danger of extinction.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Konomi Nagashio
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 27, 2003, 11:57:33 PM EST
Score: 6
Question:
Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Essay:
We use oil, coal and natural gas the most in the world now. These emit carbon dioxide, which causes global warming when they burn. Then it advances global warming and some experts expect the effect of a freak of nature or raise sea water surface. Some developing country makes full use of woods for energy. Moreover, the issue is that combustion of woods and forest deforestation makes increase of carbon dioxides. So we need to protect forest, decrease consumption of fossil energy and development of new energy. To make our live better, we need to do such a thing. Well, I would like to express my thinking about the importance of forest.
Why can we live on the earth? Because we can breathe fresh air from forest, we can live comfortable. They emit oxygen and absorb carbon dioxide without cease. Have you ever thought what happens if forest would more decrease than ever? If it happens, we will not be able to live comfortably. This causes global warming and happen strange phenomenon of nature all over the world. This means the effect of occurrence of a freak of nature, production of agriculture, ecosystem and safety of nation. We use much oil, coal and natural gas to maintain economy activities and our life now. But we need to cut the amount of fossil fuel to prevent global warming or we need to plant many trees and make them spring up to make oxygen.
The issue is whether advanced nation and developing countries can stop social and economy activities and limit the use of fossil fuel or not. I think that it is awkward things for them to stop those activities. We are accustomed to rich life in these days. We can buy anything we want immediately. But then, we need more fossil fuel to live better. While I am satisfied with modern life, I have to reconsider about our nature. So I decide to what I can do. For example, I use reuse things such as reuse paper, notebook to protect woods. House makers including my mother go shopping at supermarket everyday and many of them uses plastic bags to put stuff. They need to try to see the matter in various lights. I think that they need to bring their own bag to reduce waste. This behavior will be ecology movement for the future.
As I mentioned above, we need to reconsider our life and stop the use of woods to prevent global warming. It is the best way to our life review and plant many trees to reduce carbon dioxide.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Souta Yamaguchi
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:28:20 AM EST
Score: 4
Essay:
Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Each problem has own reason for their reducing and there are some connections between them. For example, we cut the trees in order to get space for buildings and the reduction of forests means decrease of the places for animals. And now one resource that I have the most interest in is animals. So I am going to talk about the existence of animals.
There are several reasons why I suggest them to be saved. First, we need them for our everyday food. Almost every meal I have at least one dish that have some kind of meat in its main position. We eat many meat-made dinners. So if this reduction of animals keeps going we will find no meat in our dinners. A food without any meat has little appeal for us. Our variation of dishes will get smaller. Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Each problem has own reason for their reducing but there are some connections between them. For example, we cut the trees in order to get space for new buildings and the reduction of forests means the decrease of the places for animals. Then there exist some animals that are decrease its number. And now one resource that I have the most interest in is animals. So I am going to talk about the existence of animals.
There are several reasons why I suggest them to be saved. First, we need them for our everyday food. In almost every meal I have at least one dish that have some kind of meat. We eat many meat-made dinners. So if this reduction of animals keeps going we will find no meat in our dinners. A food without any meat has little appeal for us. Our variation of dishes will shrink. In that mean animals should be saved.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Yukiko Kanai
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:19:41 AM EST
Score: 6
Essay:
We often hear the words of environment problem such as air pollution, acidity rain, and endangered species. Where are these problems from? Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources. So the problems are produced from losing natural resources. I guess the deforestation is the most serious one. So I explain why it needs to be saved.
First, I explain why these problems occur. One of the results of deforestation is slash-and-burn agriculture. This is accounting for 45 percent of all direct reasons of tropical forest’s reduction, now. Slash-and-burn agriculture makes soil rich temporarily, but a few years later, the soil becomes poor. Other results of deforestation are diversion of a use like a pastureland or a farmland. As another reason, I mention illegal tree felling, and acidity rain.
Second what kinds of influences occur by this problem progressing? Deforestation causes disasters of flood, and landslide. Absorption and reproduction of the rain by the forest are no longer performed. As the result, rain serves as a muddy stream. As another influence, an extinction of many kinds can be caused. And a food cycle of life is destroyed completely. This is a big problem, too. For the food we need eat is being lost. It is said that 5-10% of the creature that lives in tropical rain forests is exterminated in 30 years from now.
Third, we must consider what we can do now for saving tropical forests. We should use wood resources effectively. And we should decide not to waste paper. It is important to strive for recycling of used paper.
In conclusion, we could recognize importance of forests above. We have known about the roles of forests as the natural dam, the habitat of wildlife, the filtration of air, and the equipment to purify rain. When we are living, forest is indispensable absolutely. So we should value restricted resources.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Remi Sasaki
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:44:24 AM EST
Score: 6
Essay:
Nowadays many parts of the world are losing important natural resources. Especially I often hear the term global warming. Do you know why the temperature of earth became rise? Deforestation occurs this phenomenon; global warming.
First, look how forests operate powerfully upon the global warming. The temperature rises because carbon dioxide makes a stratum over the sky. In this condition, warm air cannot go out to space. This is the mechanism of global warming. Direct cause of this phenomenon is carbon dioxide. Here, trees are playing important role. Trees absorb carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen. Thus forests are playing so important role.
Forests are important for us, though, deforestation is moving. According to an examination by WWF (World Wide Fund for Nature) and WCMC (World Conservation Monitoring Centre), the forests of all over the world are decreasing second third comparing eight thousand. Besides it says that if the decrease of forests continues, forests disappear completely in 50 years.
There are a lot of factors that cause of deforestation considerable. Cutting forests for get farmland, forest fire, soil pollution are the main factors of it. It is trivial things, but we can do something, such as reducing quantity of using papers and using recycled production, to save our forests. Foresting with trees is also effective means.
Also reducing of carbon dioxide discharge volume to prevent global warming is significance. Using fossil fuel like coal, oil, and natural gas is cause of making carbon dioxide. We should reduce consumption of these materials.
We cannot get back losing important resources. It is too late notice when it is disappeared. We should make effort to save our forests due to stop global warming.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Sanae Ogiso
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 26, 2003, 10:33:06 AM EST
Score: 6
Essay:
People spend comfortable life, on the other hand, indispensable things of all mankind and existence of earth are on the verge of extinction. Thanks to nature’s favor, there is present condition. However, it is also a fact that we human have sacrificed the nature like forests, animals, natural resources and so on. I would like to mention about forests following sentence.
First of all, be taught in one’s childhood, forests absorb carbon dioxide and produce oxygen indispensable to all living creatures. In our daily life, green is only the thing, which makes discarded air into helpful one. Men have been destroying green, nevertheless, in order to make man’s life more convenient than present state. By ancient days, green had occupied greater part of the earth, therefore, there were no troubles of timber resources some degree. But now, this becomes a pressing question. We have been benefited from green until today, so we should repay obligations for it.
Second, I would like to emphasize not only wood’s itself effect but also good results produced by that. As you know, there are many species of animal in this world and make their ecosystem. People require further development, on the other hand, there some kinds of organism which are on the way to extinction. I think that sort of this should not be done and incorrect. We people are one of living creatures, therefore, we can’t live without power of nature alike animals. People should become conscious of that. The thing men have to think over is coexistence of nature and mankind.
As I said above, we people cannot be separated from nature, coexistence will produce good results for both sides. I would like to add wood, be typical of nature, have wonderful power of healing man's tired hearts. Accordingly, the view of existing together is our given subject. If we leave this problem as it is, none of ecosystems be in existence in the 22th century as scholars are worried.
Instructor notes:
Comments:
Asuka Kishi
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 28, 2003, 12:10:40 AM EST
Score: 5
Essay:
Now a lot of resources are getting fewer and
fewer. I give warning you [would like to warn
you of] the danger of losing clean air. Every minute we human beings are breezing [breathing] air and
keeping [to keep] our lives. Clean air is necessary for everyone and every living things. However, we have been poisoning our this
most precious resource of lives for years. We have to be aware of [more concerned with the] air pollution and have to save the air.
Problem of poisoning started ten of years ago. [The air pollution
started decades ago.] For [Over?] 40 years,
people have made effort to produce new things or convenient things
because they wanted to be well off. To make new
products, people cut off a lot of trees, clear
the land, built a many plants. Chimneys puff out dirty fog [smoke]
and people rode cars and make poisonous [polluted] air.
After since 20 years, poisoned environment had been
making signals for people. For example, asthmatic had increased rapidly
in town near the plants. In Kawasaki, Kanagawa prefecture, Children were not able to run about [in] a ground [schoolyard?] and even adults were getting weak [suffering from ill health]. The cause
of these problems
was poisonous air come from factory [polluted air from factories]. This air
contains chemicals and that damaged peoples’ health. [時制を統一しましょう]
It takes many years to make the air clean. We are cutting trees, making many
buildings and riding [driving] cars. These
customs goes on. However, few trees absorb the air called CO2 and make O2,
because [?] the exhausted gas from cars destroys these trees. If we plant the trees, there is no space to grow up
trees and it takes ten of years. [supporting ideasがちょっと混乱。整理しましょう] Making the air clean takes a lot of years and we need to
change our lifestyle. [これはmain ideaなので、discussionの最初に持ってきたほうが、パラグラフが書きやすくなるのでは？]
If we continue to our present lifestyle, the
situation goes bad [will get worse]. Air will be polluted more, and all the children will
become asthmatic and they will not be able to
run about at the outside. People may have to take
air mask [put on a mask?] and they may have to
spent the day in houses [to stay at home all day]. Before the situation get bad,
we should take actions and save the air [make the air
cleaner / clean the air].
In consequence, air pollution is a serious problem and we should change this situation. In order to save our children and ourselves, we should save the air, make clean air. Air is our life resource and human being can’t lose this important thing.
Instructor notes:
よく書けていますが、内容(thesis, main ideas, supporting ideas)と構成(introduction, discussion, conclusion)をもう少し整理してみましょう。若干、基本的な英語のミスが目立ちます。名詞が単数か複数か、冠詞をつけるか、その名詞を受ける動詞の形は・・・などに注意を払いましょう。時制は何を用いるべきか、また可能な限り統一した方が良い英文と考えられています。直訳ではなく英語で考えようとしているところが評価できます。自分が使った表現を英和、英英辞典などで確認するクセをつければ、大きな進歩が期待できます。
Yuko Sawanobori
English Composition
Resources Disappearing
Submitted: November 29, 2003, 01:08:14 PM EST
Score: 6
Essay:
Do you know mackerel, a kind of fish? They are disappearing in these years, and this fact certainly influences our society badly [has bad effects on our society]. Then, do you know that this problem is owing to [due to “owe”は状態を表すので、進行形になりにくい] our senseless deeds [conducts 複数]? I heard about it on television and thought that we have to consider this sort of disappearing of resources [disappearing resources] deeply [carefully / more seriously]. In my opinion, the fish is one of the most important resources that we need to save.
There are some reasons why I think that it is important for us. [itなどの代名詞はそれが指すものが同じパラグラフ内にある場合に使用するのが望ましい。またこの文はthesisとなるべきなので、discussionにおかない方がよい。従って前のパラグラフに続けた方がよい。また …and let me explain why I think it is important for our own benefit.などのようにもう少しthesisらしくする工夫があればさらによい]
The first reason is that such matters tend to happen because of the senseless deed of us our senseless deeds], human. The news said that the big cause [one of the major causes for the disappearance of mackerel] is the excessive fishing by human [fishingは人がするものと考えれば、”by human”は不用]. It is said [The news said?] that people can hunt [catch “hunt”は普通魚には使わない] the kind of mackerel that we call “masaba” in Japanese [“masaba”, a kind of mackerel meaning “true mackerel” in Japanese 多分”masaba”を先に出した方が英語として自然。”the” kind ofというちょっとぎこちない定冠詞の使用を避けることも出来る] even if they are not adult [grown up / mature?] enough. Then [As a result], they can neither grow up nor bear new eggs because people overfish them just for fun. Therefore, this fish is disappearing at the rate of eighty percent in these ten years. People need to consider that acting just as they like can surely be one of the causes of [We have to consider that acting just in a way we like may cause] this type of problem. I believe that stopping such thoughtless fishing and doing our best for saving this fish will lead to the peaceful country, which is full of sensible people. [I believe that we can stop this kind of thoughtless fishing and do our best to preserve this fish because most of us sensible enough. If we could achieve this, it would mean that we would be living in a more peaceful country. 青字部分だけではちょっと舌足らずのような気がします]
The second reason is that ”masaba” is one of the precious and delicious natural resources especially in this season, autumn. That is because [why] Japanese people call this fish also “Akisaba”, meaning “autumn mackerel”. So, reducing of them [the reduction of them in number] will make not only our dinner unsatisfied [less appealing / satisfied] but also the life of fishermen critical. Moreover, reducing of “masaba” influences [the reduction in catch of “masaba” affects] the market badly. As you can see, the price of “masaba” is raising [rising] drastically. That must influence [certainly hit] the management of food shops, and finally, we might not be able to see “masaba” even in a restaurant [または複数]. Therefore, we have to save the fish to keep [maintain] our precious traditional scenes of our meal (in this time of the year).
In my conclusion, it is necessary for us to
save fish [the mackerel] , that is one of
the our precious natural resources.
Especially, saving the “masaba”, a Japanese
treasure, I would say, is important now. I wish
the number of people who think [would care] about
the matter of this fish reduction would
increase even one more person.[日本語からの直訳過ぎ] Then, I believe that we could protect a Japanese traditional scene
of meal, and that it would help us to we
could be more thoughtful and kindhearted
people.
Instructor notes:
基本的な英語のミスはほとんどなく、自分のスタイルを確立しているように思います。日本語で考えて、その文章を直訳し過ぎる傾向が若干あります。言いたいことを自分の知っている英語でどう言えるか考えてみるとさらに良い英語となるでしょう。(英語の文章を出来るだけ多く読んで、英語らしい自然な表現のストックを増やす必要があります) 難しいテーマを選んでしまいましたが、うまく仕上げたと思います。最近はやりの”slow food”という概念を使うと、thesisがより明確になると感じました。